Rewriting your money scripts - Part ONE
Even intelligent people can make stupid decisions when it comes to money. I’ve never met an adult who hasn’t paid a bill late, lost money, bounced a check, given too much away, sacrificed health and relationships for work, gambled, overspent or regretted something in their financial life. No wonder money is one of the biggest sources of stress for Americans. Yet, many people don’t realize that money related anxiety is directly related to brain function: how it thinks, feels and operates.
Too many people are convinced that affluence is complicated due to lack of education, seeing negative or stressful behavior around money or focusing on the harm that money causes. Yes, mixed messages and misconceptions about money can be damaging. However, you have a choice to resign to living in your current reality of debt / survival mode or try desperately to empower yourself to reach your financial goals. I am a firm believer that thought creates reality even in your financial life.
Beliefs Influence Behavior
A common myth and limiting belief is calling money taboo. People get uncomfortable too quickly and would rather avoid talking about money at all. Whether it’s the sum of your debts, income level, or net worth, your thinking has much to do with where you are today financially. If you’re someone who’s been stuck in the same money situation for years, you need to step back and reflect on how and why the pattern developed. To make changes, you must keep an open mind. Take all of those beliefs about scarcity and put them aside. It can be challenging at first because we have to fight urges and behaviors that we previously believed were true and right.
We all care what people think of us and when your primary community, your closest family and friends, has negative beliefs about money, it makes us feel stuck. Yet, we desire and need the money, so the result is feeling stressed and pressured. If you make a decision to change your mindset, beliefs, and approach to money, it can trigger a fear of looking greedy, being different and the consequences that may follow.
When we see wealthy individuals, we tend to focus on the negative, feel badly for ourselves and even entertain common stereotypes like assuming it came easy, that they’re abusing tax breaks and that they’re generally unlikable as people. At the same time we want what they have and the brain on some level believes that more money equals a happier life. We’ve associated all the things we desire with more money. It’s not necessarily that money brings happiness but consider this reframe: money can provide stability and a sense of groundedness. However, we’re quick to make excuses and tell ourselves that level of wealth is unattainable and the secrets to success are inaccessible.
This negative lense prevents us from seeing the good, for example, how a millionaire or billionaire may be part of the solution and using their money for philanthropic efforts. We have two beliefs concurrently, one that feels money is the answer and another that judges wealthy people. This leads to division among friends and family. It’s common that when one person gains wealth, they begin distancing themselves from others to avoid feeling uncomfortable. And the people “left behind” in the former socio-economic group miss out on an opportunity to learn and grow.
Never Trust Your Instincts
Many instincts we experience with money come from hard wiring in the brain that’s no longer relevant in modern times. In ancient times, humans stuffed themselves more because food spoiled (there was no electricity or food safety per se). Today, many people still struggle with dieting because of this ancient wiring.
It’s the same scenario with money, but it shows up in how people have connected happiness with material things. We see something we desire that has monetary value attached, and we have an impulse to chase after that contented feeling.
When it comes to money, the second thing you need to do is stop trusting your instincts. Most of our detrimental impulse decisions happen when our brains are emotionally flooded. Seeing crypto or stocks move up, triggers the need to buy or worry about missing out. When it’s all crashing, we want to sell because we’re scared we’ll lose the money we have.
Your brain is dictated by your emotions, and tells you to do this or that. Take a step back. Breathe. It’s no wonder the San Francisco 49’s recently hired a breathing coach. Mindfulness really works and if you need some guidance, check out these 17 breathing and feelings/anxiety management techniques. Don’t listen to your first thought. Rely on the facts that have helped people achieve the financial life you want.
To be continued in Rewriting Your Money Scripts - Part Two…