Money lessons from My mom
My mom died two years ago and while I miss her immensely, I still feel connected to her on a daily basis. Her death reinspired my spiritual life and I talk about her all the time, especially when I see a rainbow. Born in 1944 and severely disempowered in terms of financial education and literacy, she had a sorted relationship with money. On one hand, she paid the household bills and could handle all the paperwork to keep the business of life orderly for our six person family. On the other hand, she constantly fought with my dad about money. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what a grand spender she was. Whether it was resupplying the “Christmas Room,” buying my kids clothes years in advance or choosing which room to redecorate next, she took great liberties with credit cards and was literally incapable of passing on a sale. Delayed gratification, no-spend days and even therapy, to help with the fighting, were absolutely foreign concepts. And, she did wonderful, benevolent and powerful things with her money. Here are the best money lessons I learned from my mom.
Enjoy life to the fullest. As scared as she was to put her 20 year old daughter (me) on a 20-hour transcontinental flight by herself, when I called my parents and told them I wanted to study abroad in Australia for a semester during my junior year in college, she emphatically yelled, “YES!” My mom had huge dreams and was a big planner. She was always up to something and, even when it was uncomfortable for her, she supported our visions and crazy ideas too.
Friendships matter. My mom was a very good friend. She fiercely loved her female friends, their children and (most of) their husbands. She would plan elaborate “mystery dates” - secret adventures for her best friends often starting before dawn and sometimes crossing state or country lines. She shopped all year round for special birthday and “just because” presents for her favorite ladies. My mom always made an effort to befriend front desk workers, doormen and people in the maintenance department. She was magnetic and just had a way about her. I will never forget the feeling at her funeral of being surrounded by over 400 people, standing room only, from all walks of life, spanning age 4 months (my baby Max) to 90. That was my mom.
Family matters. She had a deep love for family and cherished time spent with her children, grandchildren and extended family. She spent hundreds of hours, in her forties, driving me around the midwest to play tennis tournaments. She endured countless freezing cold Michigan mornings, watching me play and then biding the long stretches of downtime together between matches. We’d play backgammon, read magazines and find a place to shop, of course. Long after her grandkids graduated from high school, my mom would still attend field and ice hockey games to check out the up and coming stars, but memorably she cheered loudest for the underdogs.
Be a part of the solution. My mom was a lifelong volunteer. Her main passion was helping children with special needs, specifically at the Detroit Institute for Children. She organized an annual Cops for Cookies program for Detroit cops working over the holidays. When my mom’s beliefs or politics were unpopular in the community, she donated generously and anonymously, a kind of silent activism. Planned Parenthood was a frequent recipient. She was active in many community organizations: the Garden Club of Michigan, Sigma Gamma Association (past president), the Detroit Thanksgiving Day Parade, Junior League of Detroit, Junior League Gardeners, Boca Grande Women's Club, Boca Grande Duplicate Bridge Club (founding member) and the Planters Garden Club (past president).
Laugh as much as possible. My mom was silly. She was funny. She loved a good costume party. She adored people and was a firm believer in, “The more the merrier!” She was always outgoing and cheerful and would greet friends and family with a big smile and hug every time they saw her. My daughter Lucy, who was five when my mom died, thinks Ganny is her fairy godmother. I can see why.
Life is meant to be celebrated. My mom loved to host parties. She never let a milestone, accomplishment, traditional holiday or event go by without making a fuss. On our birthdays, as children, the whole day was about us, a rarity in a hectic household with four kids. She loved music, especially choir singing at Christ Church, Grosse Pointe. Every Sunday morning was a festival of life.
My mom was known for her spontaneous acts of generosity, like picking up a stranger’s tab at her favorite breakfast diner. In many ways, she inspired me to heal my own relationship with money, expand my sense of financial literacy and, after training with world class coaches and thought leaders, eventually become a certified financial coach. Keeping my mom’s spirit alive, I can help others find peace of mind with themselves and money all along the way.